After
my husband was terminated as pastor the people found out about my possible
cancer. Suddenly we were getting cards and calls from the people who had so
campaigned for our demise. How do you respond to someone who clearly treats you
with contempt and then turns around again and tries, not to reconcile, but to
assuage their own guilty conscience? I would have rather had one legitimate
offer of apology, rather than any amount of calls from them. I was unprepared
on how to respond when the members would call and say they had thought and
prayed for me. Mostly because there is no truth in putting a family of six out
on the street and I could not condone their actions of hate, while listening to
their litany of prayers on my behalf. I wanted to scream “God doesn't work that
way!” I wish now that I had called out the lies when I saw them, but I didn't in
that moment because I was struggling to keep a handle on my temper. I remember
the command of Christ to be kind to those who persecute you and pray for those
who use you! And we pray for the church then and now, individually and as a
family group. Our realization of their lostness has certainly grown over time,
a church without hope is a sad thing to see.
I
don't yet know all the reasons why we went to M****, why the Lord allowed us to
be deceived by these people. Why we were allowed to believe their lies. But I
know now we assaulted satan's stronghold and we were successful, because we are
still confessing Christ and, by God’s grace, we were able to bear their hatred
and rejection.
Today I know better than ever that people are inherently evil; we will twist everything and make others believe anything. I say I believe in total depravity, but do I act like it? Do I really act like people around you and me are perishing for want of a Savior? Am I daily aware of the GREAT need of the Gospel, not just for my life but for every person alive? Because that is the importance of the doctrine of total depravity-our basic human need for salvation which comes only through Christ!
One thing that must not happen from this episode is for us to lose sight of the purpose of this persecution. Paul says we have treasure in earthen ware vessels. These vessels in the 1st century were the cheapest to buy, but also they were thrown away most of the time. They would crack easily, so you can imagine that if we are like these easily breakable vessels, yet we have the treasure of the gospel inside. When we are afflicted, persecuted, struck down--then the cracks become larger and more numerous and then it is easier to see the treasure inside the vessel, as David Garland notes in his commentary on 2 Corinthians (this is the good part of being married to a Greek freak!). The Gospel shines forth. So this is the goal! That even in the midst of these terrible (I won't lie to you!) things, the Gospel is what is important! The Gospel is what is shining forth from between these numerous cracks we have gained. The more cracks the better! The more cracks the more the Gospel may be viewed by others!
You might be thinking, “is that all?” I wonder the same things. It really does boil down to the fact that people will not endure sound doctrine. We want our pastors to tickle our ears, to entertain us, to keep us excited and enjoying our current status-quo. What we don’t want is to emulate the disciples who left everything and followed Christ at his first call. They never looked back and they didn’t balk, but they exercised faith by obedience. I personally struggle in this area, following Jesus no matter the cost, no questions asked. But I want to recognize how much I need the Gospel in every moment of every day. And I want to finish this struggle; I want to endure to the end. I want to value Christ above everything. I know more what a wicked and humble creature I am now. There truly isn’t anything in me that is admirable apart from Christ.
I
am not saying we did everything perfectly, but I know my husband loved the
people of M*** like Christ loves us and I know we poured our lives out to
encourage them to love Christ and serve him above all else. But oftentimes Biblical
love isn’t what we desire; we desire love that reflects on ourselves and our
“loveableness.” I want M*** to repent! It cannot continue the way it has over
the last 20 years punishing and bullying pastors and expect not to incur the
wrath of God. I do not want them to be subjected to bearing the brunt of His
wrath, because of their rejections of truth and their delighting in sin. I
would hate to see anyone end up in separation from Him and enduring the wrath.
I will continue to pray for them! I look toward that day with faith, hoping all
things for these people, these people who are no different than any others,
myself included.
We still endure the doubtful looks of people inside and outside of the church who cannot get over the stigma of a “fired” pastor. Many people don’t understand what is so important about what we believe that we would have to forfeit our job and livelihood. I hope people who read this begin to understand that often times you can follow the bible even in church and be reviled for it. I have never experienced a lonelier and more isolated road and to an extent it continues today. We only had the encouragement of some of our family, a few friends, and also our Beloved former Pastor and his wife! The encouragement these few provided us helped to ease the burden, but we did not experience the encouragement or support of the church that one might expect, because things like this are so taboo in mainline evangelicalism. Even today most people treat us like lepers when it comes to ministry.
Today this time has truly become a source of inspiration and encouragement for us. It was a time where things were clearer than they have even been in either of our lives. When we knew exactly what was expected of us and what we must do. We rested daily in the confidence of our Savior that everything was worth throwing away so long as we were able to cling to Him and value Him ABOVE everything. I know today never to pity a martyr again, because even in the midst of their valley of humiliation the face of God is so near it is almost like you are speaking to one another. Fellowship in his sufferings is truly a gift as Paul speaks about in Philippians (1:29 For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake…). What we experienced was simply a small/very small portion of what many others are called to. We are grateful to Jesus, that he’s making us more and more into his image.
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